People always say to me, “Enjoy your teenage years. You’ll never be this young and healthy again.” I usually just laugh and agree, even though I couldn’t disagree with them more.
Recently, I’ve begun to question what it means to be a teenager. I grew up always wanting to be one, but now that I finally am, I wish I could just be a kid again: going on bike rides, going to the zoo and playing duck, duck, goose and four square in elementary school. Teenagers are thought to be moody, self-absorbed, and irresponsible. It may seem that way from the outside, but on the inside, a teen is just a girl or boy trying to do their best and please everyone.
Teenagers are held to a very high standard. While not all teens are held to the same standard, we share a commonality: the pressure to be perfect. This pressure has built up as I’ve gone through high school, and the standards get higher and higher. I want to feel successful and make everyone in my life proud. I have thrown myself into countless extracurriculars to be the “perfect kid.” If I’m being completely honest, I’m only passionate about maybe a quarter of them. The reason I do them is because I feel like I need to. If I’m not filling my calendar with activities and work, how will I get into a good college and please my friends and family? These are the recurring thoughts that I have, and why I feel I have to do everything in my power to succeed.
There have been many times when I have felt like I’m not good enough. Sometimes my biggest supporters can be the cause of these negative feelings. My mom or dad may say things to me about needing good grades or excelling in sports. Other times, it’s more subtle, like constantly comparing me to my siblings and friends or being disappointed when I don’t meet certain expectations. All parents want to see their child succeed, but putting a huge weight on the kid’s shoulders isn’t going to help them achieve greatness. That weight can get even heavier when my friends expect me to always say the right thing or my coach expects me to make the right play. Worrying about every single thing I say and do can get extremely tiring.
The competitiveness and selectiveness of Upper Arlington High School adds at least 10 pounds to my shoulders. It seems like everyone is in a competition to see who can be the best. I would say I’m a competitive person, especially if I’m being compared to others. In UA, it’s almost impossible not to be compared to others. Everyone is either a straight A student or a star athlete or the president of a club or on homecoming court. If you don’t meet those standards then you’re considered below average. This has caused major anxiety in me because I feel like if I don’t have something that I’m the best at then I’m nothing.
Teens are easily influenced by what others tell them they should or shouldn’t do. I speak from experience when I say that it is almost impossible to not be influenced by all the people in your life. My friends have had an influence on what classes I take, sports I play, relationships I get myself into, events I go to and activities I do. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but it can be because sometimes I feel obligated to listen to them. Everyone wants to be popular, and maybe listening to people’s advice is my way of climbing that social ladder.
Almost every single person I know uses some sort of social media. I use Snapchat, Instagram and TikTok the most, and I can admit that I have a scrolling problem. I see hundreds of videos on TikTok about AP Exams, sports recruiting and college. These videos set off an alarm in my head that I need to be doing more. Most of them are tips and tricks or advice about what you can do to prepare for those things. Others are people’s experiences both good and bad. No matter the type, all stress me out and make me worry even more than I already do.
Recently, I’ve found ways to manage my stress and take some of the pressure off. Everyone has different ways of coping, but personally I’ve found that the most effective way is giving myself a “reset” day. Sundays are usually my reset days. I plan out my week, clean my room, do my laundry, catch up on homework and just try to get organized. This eases my anxiety about the coming week and takes things off of my plate. I also think that taking long walks and listening to music helps relieve my stress. Just a couple weeks ago I walked eight miles by myself and I felt so relaxed after. I try my best to make my walks somewhat scenic, because being in nature seems to calm me. On my walks, I avoid checking my phone notifications. Turning on do not disturb helps me be more productive and composed in general, which allows me to be stress-free.
Looking closely at all pressures we teens face – from parents and friends to school, sports and social media – it’s obvious that being young often means constantly feeling like you’re not enough. The truth is, your teen years aren’t always carefree and easy. Maybe instead of chasing perfection, we should be chasing balance and peace.
